A Matter of Forever (Fate #4) Read online

  Chills run through though me at just the thought. “Some kind of ...” I shake my head, desperate to clear the memory. “It was a sound. An awful one that breaks apart minds.”

  “Interesting.” His murmured words are filled with a sterile touch of wonder. “This is the same sound he used to incapacitate you last time?”

  I tell him it is. “Is ...” I glance around the room again. “Is Jonah here?”

  Sjharn adjusts the wrap wound around his head as he straightens up. “He is meeting with Zthane in the conference room right now. Do not worry, though. This is the first time he has left your side. I expect him back shortly.”

  Those things got my father. They killed him, right before my eyes. What if they got someone else I care about?

  “What about Kellan?” I grab his arm before he can move away. “Is he here? What about Cameron and Will Dane?” My mind goes crazy with all the possibilities. “The Lotuses? Cora Mesaverde?” My mother—oh thank gods. My mother is on assignment on the Human plane, in the rainforests of Belize. I pray that she’s far enough in that it would be difficult to track her down.

  “Both Whitecombs are meeting with Zthane. As for the Métis you’ve mentioned, neither they, the Lotuses nor Mesaverde’s wife are currently present.”

  Cold sweat peppers my brow. I swing my legs over the side, but he stays me with a gentle hand. “Best not to hurry things, Chloe. Your body is healed, but I recommend you to take it slow.”

  Screw taking it slow. The shit has officially hit the fan. There is no taking it slow any more. Too many people are dying and it has to stop now.

  My feet hit the ground; I wobble, but stay upright. A quick glance shows that I’m in flannel pajamas rather than hospital scrubs.

  Thank goodness for small favors.

  I ask him to take me to the conference room. His eyes flutter as they roll; an exasperated sigh blows out from between his lips. “Fine. But I want to go on record that I think this is unnecessary.”

  Noted and filed under irrelevant.

  Minutes later, I enter a small conference room and find Jonah, Kellan, Zthane, Karl, Kopano, and Iolani talking quietly. Jonah’s out of his chair the second he sees me; I gladly sink into his embrace. The hug doesn’t last too long, though; he’s got me at arm’s length as he checks me over. “Are you okay? Are you in pain?”

  I assure him I’m fine. “Can you feel me this time?”

  The anxiety in his eyes softens a shade. “Yeah. I can. I just wanted to make sure.”

  As he pulls me into another hug, Kellan catches my attention. He’s sitting on the other side of the table, watching us with too many emotions flitting through the blue of his eyes to pick apart. The bracelet on his wrist strains as he yanks it around and around, and I wish ... I wish I could just go over and also hug him, assure him I’m fine, but it’s too soon.

  I think it’ll always be too soon for us.

  “Where are we?” I ask Jonah.

  He cups my face and kisses me gently before pulling away. “Somewhere safe.”

  Somewhere safe turns out to be an underground bunker a half-mile below Annar. Everyone in the room is cagey about the exact location, and I do no push for specifics at the moment because they feel unnecessary. According to Zthane, there are very few people who know of the bunker’s existence outside of select members of the Guard and Council. I whistle as he tells me this—even being first tier didn’t give me prior clearance, which is crazy to consider.

  A pen bounces between Zthane’s long fingers as he fills me in on the bare bones of the situation. “Its use over the years has fluctuated, but for right now, it will serve well for our needs.”

  I lean forward against the table. “How long are our needs?”

  “Long enough to figure out our next steps,” Karl says tiredly. And more guilt finds its way to me, because here he is again, protecting me while sacrificing time with his wife and toddler.

  After an emergency summit with a Council Subcommittee that apparently sanctions the Guards’ equivalent of a Witness Protection Agency, a team of ten senior-level Guard, in addition to Jonah and myself, were sent to be stationed in the bunker until everyone can figure out exactly what needs to be done. Kopano has been brought along to constantly monitor the shields surrounding the bunker and its location; I’m to help solidify them on a daily basis. Even the majority of the Guard don’t know where we currently are or that we’re even in protective custody; all they’ve been told is that our collective has been sent out on various missions. Which is bitterly ironic, because inevitably, the same old mission objective emerges: we must always keep the Creator safe.

  Just not fathers, I guess.

  To my great shame, I don’t quite know how to feel about what’s happened. Sad, yes, and yet numb at the same time. Noel Lilywhite’s genes run through me. He gave me life. And yet ... I didn’t know him. And he never wanted to know me.

  I let him die. I didn’t stop Enlilkian from killing him no matter how hard I tried. I am the worlds’ worst daughter.

  Jonah takes my hand in his, his thumb running back and forth across my skin. “You can go back to the room and rest, you know. We don’t have to talk about any of this right now.”

  It’s so mercenary of me, but I do my best to stuff my sadness and regrets into a box. He’s wrong. We do have to talk about this now. People are dying. Decisions must be made. “I’ve slept enough.”

  He accepts this with no argument. Good.

  “How did you find me?”

  It’s obvious he knows what I’m trying to do, but thankfully, he plays along with me. “When Kellan got back from his mission and you weren’t there, he immediately called me so we could start searching for you.”

  A glance across the table shows Kellan hell bent on tugging and stretching his bracelet as far as it can go. I ache to reach out and touch him, let him know it’s okay to stop worrying. It kills me that I have to sit here and pretend that he’s nothing more than my fiancé’s brother, that his concern for me and mine for him are nothing more than an offshoot of our relationships with Jonah.

  I count to ten. Will my voice to remain steady. “Did you see the bridge?”

  Kellan refuses to look at me as I ask this, though. “Not at first. I knew you were nearby and in ... pain, but that fucker hid you guys behind a bunch of plants. It took me too long to figure out how you got over there once I realized where you were.”

  I don’t need to be an Emotional like him to feel the guilt pouring off of him, like he failed me somehow. It’s so ridiculous I want to take him by the shoulders and shake him into sensibility. He has nothing to feel guilt over. It’s not like he stood back and allowed his father to be brutally murdered.

  I blink back my own remorse and shame threatening to spill over my lash lines. My father died, and we were estranged. He died alone. The thing is, I barely knew him. He was my father and I don’t even know what his favorite movie was, let alone how he really felt about me. What does that say about me as a daughter? “Where’s ...” I have to clear my throat. “Where’s Cameron?”

  “He and Will are still at our apartment,” Kellan says. He glances at his brother. “We doubled the Guards watching the place.”

  He’s being kind, reassuring me of this. The only reason the protections put in place failed is because I chose to leave the safety they provided. It doesn’t ease my anxiety, though. “Did you catch any of them?”

  Jonah’s flash of sudden anger is palpable. “Enlilkian got away, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  I shake my head. “No. I meant ...” I wish I could just shake the images straight out of my brain. “The other three. The Elders in Harou, Nivedita, and Earle’s bodies.”

  Nobody seems to know what to say at that. Shock and then grief fills the small room as what I’ve said sinks in; Iolani’s sudden bursts of quiet sobs yank at my heartstrings.

  Zthane covers his eyes for a long moment. “I suppose that answers what happened to the team. At least we won’t hav
e to wonder anymore. The families will have their answers.”

  Kellan knocks his mug off the table, sending it crashing against the wall. I jerk back in surprise; he’s normally so good at not letting his emotions get the better of him. Not as good as Jonah, but still much better than the rest of us.

  He quickly glances at Jonah with wide eyes and then shakes his head before slumping back in his chair.

  “No,” Jonah tells me, an arm winding around my trembling shoulders. “We didn’t see them, let alone know they were there. Just Enlilkian.”

  “I’m going to kill that sonofabitch,” Kellan snarls. “First the team, then you two? He thinks he can just—”

  Jonah cuts him off sharply. “I said, not now.”

  It’s clear they’re arguing in their heads; eventually, Kellan twists his chair toward the front of the room, yanking on his bracelet.

  “What do you mean,” I ask slowly, “you two?”

  Like in a movie, Iolani, Karl, Kopano, and Zthane get up and quickly exit the room without another word. I don’t care about them right now, though. I’m more focused on these two and what they’re not telling me.

  “Kellan,” Jonah warns once the door seals shut behind them.

  Kellan must say something in their heads, because Jonah sighs heavily. He’s pissed, though. That much is for sure.

  “You’re not the only one Enlilkian tried to kill, C,” Kellan says flatly. “When Jonah went after it, it tried to take him out, too.”

  I thought I was scared on that roof, but that fear is nothing next to what I feel right now. That monster tried to go after Jonah?

  And then its words come back in startling clarity. It said, “That one is causing too many problems already ... I’ll deal with it personally today.”

  White-blue rage flames to life within my chest. First my father, now Jonah?

  Kellan’s chair swivels so he’s no longer facing us. “Apparently, Enlilkian hates my brother and feels we’d all be better off if he were gone.”

  My stomach plummets; the rage spikes. “What?”

  “He didn’t hurt me,” Jonah quickly assures me. “I’m fine. See? I’m fine.”

  “You’re fine now,” Kellan mutters.

  I round on Jonah immediately “What does that mean?”

  When he stays silent, panic bristles all the hairs on my arm. Finally, after what feels like forever, Kellan offers defiantly, “It means Jonah attacked Enlilkian and that sonofabitch didn’t appreciate what was happening. So he decided to—”

  “Enough,” Jonah snaps.

  Kellan gets up and stalks to the door. Just before he twists the knob open, though, he says harshly, “J, if you think I’m going to back down from this, think again.”

  Jonah says nothing out loud.

  I flinch when the door slams behind his brother. I’m immediately on Jonah again, ready to push for the details, but then I notice his hands are shaking. Not a lot, and not that anyone else would notice, but just enough to let me know his anxiety is sky high, too.

  That’s twice now that he’s had to find me broken and battered. I remember a time in high school when he’d been hurt by one of the Elders, and I was so distraught, I thought I was going to tear apart the worlds. I mean, I froze time in an effort to get to him, an action I wasn’t even aware I was capable of until my fear for his safety brought it out of me. And here he is, trying so hard to keep it together when I’ve been nearly killed not once, but twice.

  I wrap my arms around him and hold on tight until our matching trembling subsides.

  The bunker we’re in is cavernous, with a restaurant-sized kitchen, a dozen bedrooms, fourteen bathrooms (the need for so many baffles me), two gaming rooms, two living rooms, a dining room that could easily transition into a ballroom, an indoor pool and spa attached to an underground spring, an extensive library, and a gym so large it has a track circling the equipment. There is also a pair of rooms that no one will tell me the use for, as they’re always kept locked.

  I can’t help but wonder if we’re anywhere close to Valhalla and the Ascension rooms this deep beneath the city.

  Jonah and I will be staying in the red bedroom I woke up in; Kellan’s is adjacent and accessible through a shared door. If I thought joining our apartments together with a staircase was a bad idea, this is an even worse one. I argue vehemently with Jonah over the wisdom behind this arrangement, but he ends up throwing his hands up in exasperation, informing me that if I want to try to talk Kellan out of it, I’m more than welcome to try because he sure as hell got nowhere with his efforts.

  So I do. I corner Kellan in his room shortly before bedtime, only to find him obsessively folding and refolding a small stack of t-shirts. “Can we talk?”

  He says flatly, “You can, but know now, my mind is made up.”

  The door clicks shut behind me, even though Jonah has gone off to talk to Karl and Zthane again. “Kellan, it’s just ...”

  He laughs, but there is no humor there. “Let me guess—it’s just, this is awkward as all shit, right? Having me sleeping on the other side of a shared wall with the happy lovebirds?”

  Well, yes. And also, ouch. While things have not been ... good, per se, between us, for weeks we’ve been in a place where hope wasn’t too far away. But here, in this small room half a mile below Annar’s streets, his anger and resentment are painful.

  “Believe me, C. I know. I’m well aware of how awful this entire situation is. Do you think that I enjoy, even for one moment, having to be in such close proximity to you two nowadays?”

  I have to physically prevent myself from flinching. “Then—”

  The t-shirts go flying across the bed before he sinks down onto the mattress. And then he laughs quietly, bitterly, his head sinking down into his hands. “Gods, Chloe. Really? Why do I have to spell this out to you two? I’m here because you and Jonah are my Connections. Because, no matter what I feel or wish, I refuse to stand back and allow anything bad to happen to either of you.” He takes a deep breath, blowing it out slowly through his mouth. And then, much more calmly, “Jonah has tied himself up in knots trying to keep things stable and happy for you over the last few weeks. He has worked overtime to make sure you didn’t have to worry about a thing. Did you know that?”

  I lean back against the door, unsure as to what to say. The last few weeks have been some of the happiest of my life, despite the circumstances. I thought they’d been the same for Jonah?

  “He is freaking the fuck out, Chloe. We both are, okay? You ...” He shakes his head. “That first time, at the restaurant. He didn’t know if you were going to live or die, so just about every person in a one-block radius felt his fear before I countered him because my brother has been taught his whole life he needs to keep his shit together. But his internalizations can only work for so long, you know. Sooner or later, if you hold too much inside, it explodes outward.”

  All I can do is stare at him. Hate myself for once more being blind.

  “You disapprove of how I deal with my pain. But see, at least I let it out. I’ve found ways to cope. J never has. J internalizes everything because he’s been taught that if he doesn’t, there will be hell to pay. He keeps it together for you because he knows you think, of all of us, he’s the stable one we can all count on.” Kellan drops back against the bed and stares at the ceiling. “Did you know that, for years, he was the one who took care of all of us? When Astrid and our uncle were at work and Hannah was self-absorbed, and the Old Man wasn’t giving two shits if we lived or died, J was the one who made sure everything was okay. Can you imagine a little kid doing that? Making sure his aunt had a lunch to eat and that his pathetic excuse for a father did, too, and his brother never had to worry about anything, because he would always be there to take the fall for him?”

  I ... I ...

  “So, yes. My heart has been fucking obliterated by you this year. I’m doing my best to deal with it, just like I promised you I would. And yes, the truth is, right now, I would like nothin
g more than to crawl back to whatever hellhole bar I was in before Enlilkian found you and get hammered. But guess what? I can’t. I won’t. Because I love you and I love my brother, and I refuse to watch him neglect himself like he always does just because he wants to make sure everyone else is taken care of.”

  That stings on so many levels. “Kellan—”

  “I know you take care of him. I’m glad for it.” His head rolls away from me to face the wall. “But it doesn’t help me knowing that, in its quest to get to you, Enlilkian has no qualms in destroying my brother, either. I’ve seen what losing one Connection can do to a person. But losing two?” Harsh laughter escapes him. “Yeah, no thanks. So I’m just saying, I know this isn’t ideal, but I’m not leaving. Not when there’s too much at stake right now. Jonah isn’t going to walk this road alone right now, okay? Just ... go back to your room, Chloe. Shut the door behind you.”

  It takes all my willpower, but I do exactly as he asks even though my heart crumples inside my chest.

  “I need to do something about the pain.”

  Jonah lays the reports he’s been reading down on his chest and turns toward me. He’s clearly confused, because he asks, “You’re in pain?”

  We’re in bed; it’s late, but sleep eludes us both. I’ve spent the better part of the last hour or so going over first what Kellan has just revealed to me, and when Jonah shut me down from even attempting to discuss it, I switched my focus to reliving every last detail of what happened with Enlilkian on that roof. “No,” I assure him. And then, more worriedly, “I thought you said you could feel me?”

  “I can, which is why I guess I’m confused by what you’re talking about?”

  I roll on my side and face him. He is not alone, not matter what Kellan says. Jonah doesn’t have to do anything alone. I am here with him, and I am not going anywhere. “Enlilkian is able to subdue me because he’s figured out I can’t will anything when I’m in too much pain.”